CYCLE OF ABUSE
WHAT IS THE CYCLE?
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HAPPY HOUSEHOLD
They may make promises, buy you gifts, spend extra time with you, or talk about plans for building for your future together. They will apologize for any hurt or damage caused, and promise it will never happen again, or that it is under your control to stop their outbursts.
You may decide to stay or come back, recant any statements made to the police, make plans based on their promises, and feel happy and hopeful about your future together. You may feel resolved to try to be better: work harder, make more money, and display your loyalty and commitment to them.
TENSIONS BUILDING
They may seem moody, or unpredictable. They may yell, threaten, or damage your items or property. They may start or increase drug/alcohol use and seem to increase in overall negativity. They might criticize you, or become even more critical than usual.
You may try to make them happy or keep your children away from them so as not to upset them. You agree or go along with what they say and want to avoid a fight. You may feel like you are "walking on eggshells," worrying about if/when they will explode.
EXPLOSION
They may have a physically violent outburst where they "punish" or torture you, your pets, your child, or others in your household. They may humiliate or shame you in front of others, lock you in a room or the house for a period, or sexually assault someone.
You may try to reason with or calm them down. You may try to protect yourself and others in your household. You may call the police or a friend or family member for help. You may leave or attempt to escape.
REPEAT
They will likely attempt to go back to the Happy Household stage, by apologizing (again), making new promises, or putting the blame of you for their behavior. This cycle may repeat itself weekly, monthly, or yearly. Typically, over time, the cycle increases in frequency and intensity. The Happy Household phase after the explosion can make you think that everything is going to be OK "this time."
EXIT
The cycle of abuse does not resolve on its own - the abuser must recognize what they are doing and take steps to resolve it (usually therapy, support groups, treatment for substance abuse, etc.). If the abuser is unwilling or unable to seek help for their behavior, the person being abused must end the cycle by leaving. Leaving this situation is usually a process. It may take going through this cycle many times to not only realize there is a pattern, but to gather the resources and support to exit.
If you are realizing that the cycle of abuse is playing out in your own life, you might be interested in:
ALTERNATE LAYOUT
This page could use some intro text - "What is the cycle of abuse?" letting people know how to use this information--maybe 2-3 sentences. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi et mi augue. Donec suscipit libero ut sem feugiat, a blandit ante tincidunt. Donec nec lacinia nisi.
HAPPY HOUSEHOLD
They may make promises, buy you gifts, spend extra time with you, or talk about plans for building for your future together. They will apologize for any hurt or damage caused, and promise it will never happen again, or that it is under your control to stop their outbursts.
You may decide to stay or come back, recant any statements made to the police, make plans based on their promises, and feel happy and hopeful about your future together. You may feel resolved to try to be better: work harder, make more money, and display your loyalty and commitment to them.
TENSIONS BUILDING
They may seem moody, or unpredictable. They may yell, threaten, or damage your items or property. They may start or increase drug/alcohol use and seem to increase in overall negativity. They might criticize you, or become even more critical than usual.
You may try to make them happy or keep your children away from them so as not to upset them. You agree or go along with what they say and want to avoid a fight. You may feel like you are "walking on eggshells," worrying about if/when they will explode.
EXPLOSION
They may have a physically violent outburst where they "punish" or torture you, your pets, your child, or others in your household. They may humiliate or shame you in front of others, lock you in a room or the house for a period, or sexually assault someone.
You may try to reason with or calm them down. You may try to protect yourself and others in your household. You may call the police or a friend or family member for help. You may leave or attempt to escape.
REPEAT
They will likely attempt to go back to the Happy Household stage, by apologizing (again), making new promises, or putting the blame of you for their behavior. This cycle may repeat itself weekly, monthly, or yearly. Typically, over time, the cycle increases in frequency and intensity. The Happy Household phase after the explosion can make you think that everything is going to be OK "this time."